Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My liver just had a heart attack.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
