he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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