apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
