your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
