Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
