It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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