You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
