Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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