I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
