matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My ass is underappreciated
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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