just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
