she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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