I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
