Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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