Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize