i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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