I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
