Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
