if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
