FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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