I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
