the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
