You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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