you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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