Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
