Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
