I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
