He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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