I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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