I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
