sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
