Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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