You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize