He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
