I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
