Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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