fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
