some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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