Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize