I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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