my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
