Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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