dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
