If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
