My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
