So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
