Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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