wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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