I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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