okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
