i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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