Kiss
Puke
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just found puke in my bra..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
