Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
