forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
