the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
