I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wear drunk well.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
