I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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