I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
