I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
