What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
