yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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