I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
