i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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