i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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