I love black thongs
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
