my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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