guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
