suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
