Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
