I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize