I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
