Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
