And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
