i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
