I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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